Why Some Americans Should Never Be Let Out of the Country

by Sean on January 24, 2003 |

Don’t know if they’re true or not, but no one will be surprised if they are. Thanx to Cat McIntosh for these wee travel agent gems:

Why Some Americans Should Never Be Let Out of the Country
(Actual comments from US travel agents)

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

A client call inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all that cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response… click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada” I said, “No.” He said “But they look so close on the map.”

A nice lady just called. she needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of times zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

Just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have a number on them.”

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he also needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those. ” I double checked and sure enough his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York.” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, “Are you sure that is the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.” The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”. The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” She then replied “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal.”

A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it. (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

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Comments

Mary

January 24, 2003

I’m bursting with such laughter my stomach is rebelling and causing pain. These are probably true. People are y amazing!!

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